Perspective

Perspective is so interesting, isn't it? Like the way the rain has been pouring down in Western New York for what seems like such a long time now...I feel so put upon until I remember what the people in Florida are dealing with. No power for weeks. UGH. At the very least. There's also the phenomenon of finally getting that job you wanted...the salary seemed so great...until your second paycheck, when it becomes the base you operate from. I've been in the fortunate position of not having to decide what I want to occupy my time with based upon wages, for well over decade now. It's a very rare position to be in. Our culture certainly doesn't support those kinds of choices. I know that I'm a nothing to many people. It's amazing to me how many people base their judgment of who you are and how they will "value" you upon your occupation, salary, type of house, standard of living. It is actually a lot of fun and highly amusing to "spring" my intelligence and educational background on the unsuspecting snob. "oh, now I'm more interesting, am I?" I will be meeting with some of the current members of Mothers and More (formerly known as FEMALE), the chapter of which I started here in Rochester ten years ago. They are having a special celebration. I am very interested in meeting with the new group, I wonder if it is such a deviation from the norm as it was for women of my generation? I know that we so adamantly felt "I'm not going to end up like my mom!" that we rejected the traditional roles of wife and mother outright. To take them back and even embrace them, I'm sure, seemed like blasphemy to many of my colleagues. I'm not sure that younger women have felt that kind of pressure. I'd like to believe that they are indeed more "free to be you and me". If you want real perspective, just hang around an eight year old. They'll cut right to the heart of the matter. If you listen, you could learn a lot from an eight year old about what's really important. Once you get past the discussion of the merits of Playstation 2 vs. X-box.

Ya gotta have friends

I received a lovely comment from my friend Ann when she read my last post...reminding me that our friendship came to be as a gift of infertility. Oh yeah, that was one of the biggest gifts. Ann, Lisa and Marie are listed as "IFbuds" on my e-mail address book--not "IF" as in maybe the friendship is 'iffy' but as in 'Infertility Focus'. We all were pursuing medical treatments when we met and we kept each other company through those tortures, and then through the journey of becoming adoptive parents. Ann's friendship brought another precious gift to me, the lead that become our son Joseph. His biological grandmother is a close friend of Ann's from high school. It's a very special bond.
An infertility support group. The kind of club no one really wants to be a member of, and that you're always one menstrual cycle away from quitting. Yet how very blessed I was to find these women, and to keep them as friends.
I read an article in the NY Times magazine section a while back that contained some interesting comments on modern friendships. The woman who wrote the article was commenting on the television show 'Sex and the City'--her take on what was a fantasy about the four women's lives was not about how many men they had, but on how much time they had to spend on their friendship! She talked about how difficult it is to make new friendships, once you are out of college and the kind of world where you can sit around chatting and learning about each other for hours on end. I always thought I felt so close to my college friends because we "grew up" together, came of age together. Looking back, I realize we had a lot of time to share with each other. Adult friendships don't have that luxury, and frankly, they take a lot of work.
I really admire my friends who actively work at developing and maintaining their friendships. Nancy is at the top of that list. She is incredibly thoughtful, and she works at staying connected with her friends. It comes straight from her heart.
Isn't it great when your friend calls you up just to say hi? What a great luxury to pour a cup of coffee, and launch into a story over the phone with your good buddy who is really interested in the intensity of the hot flash you had this morning.
I'll save that story for when I can talk to you about it. Put the coffee on, and make it strong.

The Bitter and the Sweet

Early this morning the sun was shining brightly through the trees--it was very yellow and cheery outside. I felt a wave of warmth and happiness flow over me. It felt strange. Then I realized that due to our uncharacteristically sunny summer, I haven't had as much of a contrast as we usually do here in gloomy Western New York. The thing about having so many grey days is that you feel real joy on the sunny ones!
Then I remembered my days of dealing with infertility. When I was going through that sad and grief-filled process, I did a lot of reading to find consolation and ways to cope. A recurrent theme was that without our pain, we cannot fully appreciate our joy. Of course, when you are in the midst of something painful, you say "YEAH RIGHT, thanks so much!" My dear friend Marie and I always had a good sardonic laugh, remembering the article written by a more experienced support group member, "The Gift of Infertility". 'Can I send this present back?' Marie would say.
Now that over a decade has passed since my last Pergonal injection, I can appreciate how much more sweet parenting is to me, in that I once thought I would never be here. I can especially appreciate the lessons that my struggle with trying to give birth "presented" to me. And I definitely was in need of those lessons about control and faith.
The sun's gone back in. I'm grateful that I enjoyed the warmth while it was here.

Autumn is here!

I was driving back from Buffalo today and got a great view of some trees along the thruway...the leaves were the colors of a flame, red on the bottom going to yellow on top. Beautiful is autumn in Western New York.
I enjoy a drive by myself...I can listen to any music I like, or no music at all. I can think, uninterrupted by the curious children or ranting husband. I need to say that I love my exuberant and noisy family, but I also appreciate the being by myself. Thinking whatever thoughts come along.
Today the music choice was Josh Groban...I needed to hear something Italian. Then I had a cleansing cry...it's that time of the month. I felt refreshed afterward, but the nose-blowing situation due to the crying/sinus infection wasn't really relaxing.
I was thinking about blogs, and my favorite blogs, and why I like to read them. Why do we think we have anything anyone else would like to read? Of my favorites, I realized that they were blogs in which a) the person was a decent writer and b) they wrote about things besides what they did that day. Ideas and passions, I think are the key.
That's how I came upon the name for my blog "being here now". It's a theme in my life that I think about in many ways each day...being present, being mindful. Taking joy in the journey. Being grateful. And it's something I'd like to keep myself focused on.

Start of a new era

My niece Casey started a blog and somehow this has led to the creation of this blog...we'll see how an old broad can do with this...make that crabby old broad!