The Bitter and the Sweet

Early this morning the sun was shining brightly through the trees--it was very yellow and cheery outside. I felt a wave of warmth and happiness flow over me. It felt strange. Then I realized that due to our uncharacteristically sunny summer, I haven't had as much of a contrast as we usually do here in gloomy Western New York. The thing about having so many grey days is that you feel real joy on the sunny ones!
Then I remembered my days of dealing with infertility. When I was going through that sad and grief-filled process, I did a lot of reading to find consolation and ways to cope. A recurrent theme was that without our pain, we cannot fully appreciate our joy. Of course, when you are in the midst of something painful, you say "YEAH RIGHT, thanks so much!" My dear friend Marie and I always had a good sardonic laugh, remembering the article written by a more experienced support group member, "The Gift of Infertility". 'Can I send this present back?' Marie would say.
Now that over a decade has passed since my last Pergonal injection, I can appreciate how much more sweet parenting is to me, in that I once thought I would never be here. I can especially appreciate the lessons that my struggle with trying to give birth "presented" to me. And I definitely was in need of those lessons about control and faith.
The sun's gone back in. I'm grateful that I enjoyed the warmth while it was here.